Getting your proverbial ‘shit together’ seems to be the catch cry of several psychologists and coaches around the traps eager to appeal to the millennial-urban-hipster-creative type and get them into the therapy room or funky workshop.
But honestly who actually wants to get their shit in order? What is the point of having crap – literal and/or metaphorical – in your life at all? Who needs neat toxic relationships or to have family of origin issues nicely arranged on a mental shelf?
Sure getting your life organised, your taxes in order, your superannuation accounts consolidated or a savings plan actioned might be really positive actions that contribute to some sense of personal maturity that is valued in the developed world, but do we really need to celebrate it like an actual achievement?
It sounds to me getting your shit ‘together’ is a moniker akin to ‘adulting’ – gathering the skills, doing the activities and showing conscientiousness around basic skills that mature humans are expected to be able to handle – like doing your own washing, going to the dentist annually or taking responsibility for how you treat people.
Getting your shit together isn’t a hobby. It’s not something you practice on the weekend like slacklining or craft beer making. Being an adult (and acting like one) should be as integral to your daily life as brushing your teeth (though I used to have a boyfriend who even this was an entirely negotiable endeavor) – something that you’ve been doing (with varying degrees of assistance and reminding) since you were young(er).
Beyond simple life administrivia – like paying bills on time, washing your sheets regularly and calling your parents, the case for not getting your shit together is simple: Get the shit out of your life.
Dump it. Declutter it. Marie Kondo it (hug it, see if it brings you joy then trash it). Let it effing go. Real adults don’t have space in their life for the shit. The shit gets dealt with and cleaned up, completed, forgiven. The shit stops being shit and starts being an integrated, accepted, part of your life that you’ve made peace with.
So next time you think about getting your shit together, maybe think about whether you might be better of getting a metaphorical skip bin and dealing with it entirely.
// Jocelyn is a psychologist based in Sydney, Australia. She has been ‘adulting’ for several decades and Mumming since April 2017. She can help with this stuff, talk to her.