Dear Sister Paula,
I think you might be dead by now but I really wanted to say thank you for trying to teach me piano from 1986-1988. I wanted to apologise for being a shit student.
I thought you were really interesting and I was totally fascinated by you (actually by Nuns in general). You were really patient with me even though I was totally hopeless.
I really liked it that time you said I had a nice singing voice and we sung “Doe a Dear” from Sound Of Music instead of having my lesson. It was fun and after that you let me and Maria Salaverri (who, by the way, married the heir to the Paspaley Pearls dynasty), be in the choir and sing at school masses. I liked singing.
I really wish I had of tried harder to learn F-A-C-E and how “every good boy deserves fruit”, and to read the music and stuff rather than sitting there like an idiot. It was such a waste of three good years of lessons.
Truth is I hated practicing, in fact i never practiced. Mum used to put a 20 minute timer on the microwave and I remember sitting there staring at the keys for the whole time. 20 minutes felt like an eternity and I just wanted to know how play, like NOW. Plus all those songs you made me learn were so GAY. and they didn’t have words…
Failing First Grade was the only thing I’ve ever failed in my life. It was so scary and I never actually learnt the piece I was supposed to play, I just learnt which fingers to press and by the end forgot it all. I couldn’t keep all the different scales in my head and I never really worked out what sharps and flats were. They sound like shoes, not notes.
I just didn’t really understand what an opportunity it was. When I saw Regina Spektor play a show this week it reminded me of you. Not when she was singing about fucking her boyfriend, no not that part, but just that she could rock out and express herself using a great big black grand piano.
If I had of paid more attention to you maybe I could do that too. I had the same thoughts when I first got into Tori Amos and spent ridiculous amounts of money on buying her sheet music that i couldn’t even read let alone play.
When people sigh heavily I still tell them to be careful because sighing “puts a strain on your heart”, just like you would tell me when I would huff and puff in frustration at the lessons.
Yeah, so thanks and sorry and stuff, and if you’re dead I hope you died nicely and are now in heaven, playing music for Lord Jesus.